Is It Addiction? How to Tell if Your Loved One Might Need Help
If you’re here, it probably means something doesn’t feel quite right. Maybe you’ve started to notice changes in your partner’s behavior, and you’re wondering if those changes could be related to substance use. Or perhaps you’ve had that quiet thought—Could this be addiction?—and immediately pushed it aside.
These thoughts and feelings are understandable.
It’s incredibly difficult to face the possibility that someone you love might be struggling. And often, it feels easier—even safer—to explain things away. You might find yourself attributing their mood swings to stress, their late nights to work demands, their forgetfulness to exhaustion, or their weekend drinking to just “blowing off steam.” Maybe you told yourself this is just a phase, and it isn’t all that serious.
These are all human, compassionate reactions. We want to see the best in people. Protecting the people we love—and our life together with them—is instinctual. But sometimes, in doing so, we unintentionally ignore important warning signs.
Addiction Doesn’t Always Look Like You Think It Does
Not everyone who struggles with addiction hits rock bottom right away. Some people continue to go to work, care for their families, and participate in various aspects of life, making it harder to recognize a problem, especially if you’re unsure what to look for.
You may notice your partner comparing themselves to others—pointing out people they think have it “worse” to downplay their own substance use. Or maybe they get defensive or shift the conversation when you express concern. These reactions don’t necessarily mean they’re in denial—they might be scared, ashamed, or unsure of what is happening. They may think that telling you the truth will make things worse for you.
It’s Not Your Fault for Missing the Signs
You might be looking back now and wondering how long this has been going on. Hindsight often makes things clearer—but please don’t blame yourself for not noticing sooner. Substance use issues can unfold gradually, and many people become skilled at hiding the extent of their struggles.
Common Signs of Addiction
What matters most is what you choose to do now with the information you have. While each person’s experience with addiction is different, there are some common changes you might observe in someone who is struggling. These include:
- Noticeable shifts in mood or behavior
- Spending time with a new or unfamiliar social circle
- Changes in work or school performance
- Secretive behavior or lying
- Dramatic, unexplained weight changes
- Legal problems
- Unexplained missing money
- Disinterest in hobbies or responsibilities
- Bloodshot eyes or changes in sleep patterns
- Unusual fatigue or hyperactivity
- Missing prescription medications
- Needle marks or paraphernalia
You don’t need to check every box on this list to take your concerns seriously. Even a few of these signs may indicate that your worries are justified.
What You Can Do
If you suspect your spouse is dealing with an addiction, try to approach the situation with empathy rather than confrontation. Strong emotions like fear, anger, or frustration are valid—but leading with them can often shut down the conversation you’re hoping to have.
Here are some helpful steps to consider:
- Document what you notice. Keeping track of behaviors, patterns, and concerns can help you feel more grounded in your observations and less reliant on memory alone.
- Talk with a professional. Reach out to a doctor, therapist, or addiction counselor to gain perspective and support. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
- Plan the conversation. Consider what you want to say and how you can convey care without blame. Rehearsing your message or writing it down can help you stay focused and organized.
- Offer help. Be prepared to offer options, such as helping to find a treatment center or attending a support group together. Sometimes, the first step is simply knowing they’re not alone.
- Prepare for all possibilities. Recovery isn’t linear. Your loved one may not be ready right away. But every conversation plants a seed—and showing up consistently with compassion can make a difference.
- Consider your boundaries. It can be challenging to support your loved one without inadvertently enabling them while also honoring your own emotional and physical safety. If your loved one agrees to treatment, they may request that you attend family therapy with them. This is a great idea, but it is not a substitute for your own support system. Relationships work best when both partners are working on being the best version of themselves.
You’re Not Alone
You are not alone. More than 20 million Americans suffer from a substance use disorder. Learning more about the signs of addiction and reaching out for support doesn’t mean you’re labeling or judging your partner. It means you care enough to want to understand—and to help them heal when they’re ready.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Loving someone through addiction is deeply challenging. But there is hope, and help is available—for both of you. Call 480-999-0851 today to learn how to begin the journey to recovery.
